Sunday, March 15, 2020

The Covidian Epoch Begins


What do you think will happen with this company?

If you eat enough matzoh, you won't need as much toilet paper. I know that it's not Passover just yet and it's forbidden to eat the new matzoh before the first Seder, but these are unique and troubling times. If God has anything to do with Covid-19, how much angrier could he get if we rip open the Yehuda and solve a supply and demand problem? You could add some horseradish for flavor, and after three days you will not need to worry about paper shortages.

Do you still know somebody who denies that the virus is real? Here's a handy guide to articles that you can use to answer them, if indeed you are still on speaking terms with them. I know that it must hurt some people's brains to hear the president and others say that the virus is a foreign weapon or an impeachment grade left-wing terrorist plot one day, then say that it is indeed real and that the president actually had dinner with it last week (as with most things related to Trump, it came back negative). I guess anything can get into Mar-a-Lago if it knows somebody. The worst part, though, is that Brazillians of people could now be exposed. And will the president pass his test? Film at 11.

Not to sound too imperious, intelligent and superior, but this blogger began stocking up on necessities three weeks ago. I bought canned goods, pasta, Tastykakes (Juniors and Kandykakes, peanut butter and chocolate), chicken and paper goods at the warehouse boutique, and filled up the mower gas tank just in case the Russians and/or Saudis got frisky with the world supply. Turns out I overpaid on early gasoline, but the interest on my equity loan is now less than a whole number, so I'm going to let x equal whatever it wants for a while.

And a while it will be before the students and I traipse back through the schoolhouse gate. It's Zoom and Skype and Google Meet and sharing documents across the divide for at least two weeks while we flush out the bad humors from the tony woods of Somerset and Morris Counties. We are still running a timed schedule and do have to meet with our students over the interweb, so it will be an adventure for a while. Of course, if you have younger children in grade school, I'm not sure how that will work. Nap time will now be graded.

If you like good news, you can always take a gander at the daily polls, which, and I know it's early, show that there seem to be more and more citizens out there who don't want the president around the White House after January 20. Even Arizona looks a bit wobbly for the Republicans at this juncture. If the market rebounds and the virus doesn't approach doomsday predictions, the president could make a comeback, but it seems like every time he has what's called a good week, he steps on it with statements or actions that clearly show that he's broken up with facts and science. If they were ever seeing each other.

Stay safe. No high-fives. Six feet apart. Read a book.

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